Making an effort to take inventory of your thoughts can help identify areas of your life that are bringing unnecessary anxiety and struggle. It might seem strange at first, but with time you will find ways that feel natural to you whether it be journaling, talking through it out loud, or using the note section on your phone.
Life is constantly moving forward and our reality shifting with it. The problem arises when we become hung up on old thought patterns that don’t match our current reality. Naturally, we have a hard time living in the present moment. It’s not uncommon to romanticize the past and glamorize the future. The issue with that is it stifles growth. Clinging to old thoughts about yourself can prevent you from stepping into the person you want to be. Likewise, it can hinder your ability to let go of connections that no longer support, or worse, hinder your potential. There is power in being honest enough with yourself to say, “this was a part of my life, but I have shifted in a different direction and that is okay.” Holding onto old beliefs that no longer fit the narrative in your current reality, or your desired reality, sometimes makes it more difficult to break cycles and create healthier habits, thoughts, and connections.
Take inventory of your values.
Change is inevitably uncomfortable, particularly changing your own thoughts about who you are and the life you live. One place to start is to take inventory of what you truly value. People feel unhappy in their present reality when often times it’s because their actions don’t align with what they are passionate about or value most. For example, if you tell yourself you value fitness and exercise but rarely have time to do so, this probably creates a lot of unpleasant emotions. The narrative you tell yourself is saying one thing, while your actions demonstrate another. My point is not to make you feel like an imposter or failure, but to encourage you to make time for the things you think about if they are important to you. Keeping the promises you make to yourself is equally as important as keeping the ones you make to others because this builds self-confidence and self-respect.
Try filling your mind with thoughts about places, people, experiences that make you feel happy and at peace. Switching to an abundance mindset rather than a lacking or scarcity mindset helps you decipher what you truly value – not what you feel you’re supposed to value based on society. A huge source of anxiety is something we call “FOMO,” or fear of missing out. However, if you are constantly filling your schedule with events or scrolling through social media just to feel connected in any way possible, this might not actually be fulfilling you emotionally if it doesn’t align with your personal passions and values. When you take inventory on your values, you can start to shape your life around them instead of going through each day on autopilot wondering why you feel less satisfaction and fulfillment.
Let go of thoughts that aren’t true or no longer fit your current reality and goals.
On the contrary, limit thoughts regarding people, habits, and ideas if they no longer serve you. Anger, grudges, self-doubt, negative self-talk. We all do it from time to time, but there are likely some recurrent themes that you find popping up again and again over time. Identifying these themes and how they relate to you in present time will help you decipher their validity (which most of the time is not rooted in truth at all). Perhaps you have held onto the belief that you are responsible for the happiness of others. This might translate into your everyday life by people pleasing, putting yourself last, feeling like you failed if a relationship didn’t last, and pouring everything you have into others while leaving little energy for yourself. Being aware of this belief, recognizing it is not accurate (we are each responsible for our own happiness), and actively working to let it go in your present will create more time for you to focus on your own growth and joy.
Maybe you are transitioning from a time in your life where you were constantly on the go, working relentlessly, and chronically tired to a more tranquil period where you are focusing more on introspection and healing. You might need to address old patterns of denying yourself rest, needing constant busywork, and feelings of inferiority for not taking on a new major project. Or perhaps you’ve chosen a completely new career path in spite of years spent believing you would become something else. Allow yourself the freedom to explore different avenues without forcing yourself into the same old box just because it’s all you’ve ever known; this will create space for so much growth, fulfillment, and new journeys to places your prior self could’ve never imagined. Whatever path you are on, know that it is unique to you and you will have greater success by letting go of thoughts from your previous reality that no longer serve you.
Sometimes it’s helpful to replace a thought with a new one such as:
“Taking care of myself doesn’t mean I’m selfish or care less about others.”
“I too deserve love and respect.”
“I am excited to explore all options and align my life with what feels right for me.”
It can feel easier to supplement with more encouraging thoughts when trying to release yourself of old patterns of thinking rather than attempting to solely erase them from your mind as if they never existed.
Acceptance is pivotal.
You don’t have to erase or rewrite your past to love your present self. Always trying to justify yourself, past, and decisions can be your mind’s way of gaining the approval of others without ever mentioning it to other people. Accepting that you’re on a journey through life that is meant to open your mind to new chapters instead of holding yourself captive to some old version of who you were, or were supposed to be, is liberating. Sometimes we try to create the most desirable version of ourselves in our minds by amending our values, opinions, and true emotions so that they are more favorable to others (or what we think would be more favorable to others). It’s human nature to want to fit in and to be accepted, however, none of that matters if we don’t accept ourselves and our unique journey first. When we are self-aware enough to know what we value, letting go of false beliefs is that much easier because we are honest with ourselves and know exactly who we are without the need for external validation. When we don’t thrive on external validation, living in the present without worry about the future becomes increasingly more comfortable as we’re not trying to constantly control everything around us to fit our narrative so we have peace. Instead, we can simply just exist as ourselves and understand that sometimes people will see us in a light that is different than how we view ourselves – but that is totally okay! They are viewing the world through their own lens and it isn’t our responsibility to make assumptions or correct how or where we fit into the story from their perspective. That’s not to say avoid being accountable for your actions if you know that you’ve hurt someone, but do not feel obligated to change who you are, how you feel, or what you want for yourself for validation. Likewise, when you accept and love yourself first this provides you with an even greater capacity to extend true empathy and love to others since it is coming from a more peaceful place inside of you.
Cling to what you value, let go of thoughts and patterns that no longer (or ever) helped you, and accept that you are worthy of your own validation and love; in doing so you can live peacefully in the present while still striving towards all you dream of for yourself in the future.
What are some things you value and how do you incorporate them into your life?
